Where did 2010 go?

I can't even describe my thoughts and emotions. Life goes by too quickly and why is it only that when you lose something or someone is when you realize how precious life is? It makes me weak when I think of how easily your life can be taken right in front of your eyes. 2010 was the best year. After coming back from Shanghai with Edmundo, we got pregnant, engaged and gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Madysen Paige Mucio-Babaran. With that said, my relationship with my father was at its peak. He met my future husband and loved being a lolo (grandfather) and I was a happy girl. Everything felt right and went in the right direction with friends and my big family. Being a Mother is the best gift ever. Even better is when you have the support of the people who love you. My family went through a lot during my Dad's illness from scheduling when and how to take care of him. I signed up for confirmation for our wedding this year in September. Each week, I realized that God is the center of my life and that I should share this with everyone and especially act it out as a example of my belief in Jesus. It's hard being perfect. What I embrace the most is sharing my faith with my father in the most trying time of my life. He seemed at peace and never once did he express any negativity towards his life being near from death. He always told me to follow Jesus. In the end, during the last 2 weeks of his life he was at peace with my Mom. The night before he passed, I gathered all of my siblings to let out their emotions with our Dad near our side. Who would've known that night would be the last night we would all talk to my dad. It turned out to be a very touching time for all of us and I will never forget it. He passed away the next morning after leaving my Mom's to Mady's appointment. I have so much to mention about my Dad. How do I begin my life again without someone who I longed for approval, unconditional love, support, guidance and best of all someone who I loved to call Daddy. All my life I had struggles with him and during the time when I finally saw him him for he was I accepted his role in my life. Then it was taken away from me. I am struggling with my faith as I do not have the answer to my own questions. I should pray more or go to church but instead I am turning away from everything and everyone because it hurts too much to just be myself. I feel like I've lost apart of me.. my Dad. Now, I am concentrating on my daughter, Madysen. I am always thankful for her and Edmundo. God loves me and I have to keep telling myself this everyday. Hopefully this pain goes away. 2011 is a new chapter and so far I am struggling with how things are going to be without my Dad. God please give me strength and heal my heart.